What I've learned from years of making and failing New Year's resolutions

Yes, I did the impossible and stuck to my goals!

I have a 2024 vision board hanging above my bed. It is covered in magazine clip-outs and has a pretty clear theme.

As Jerry Maguire screamed, "Show me the money".

When I made it, I had little savings and felt financially insecure. I was a dog eating a grape or the car breaking down away from being quite skint.

I aimed to have at least $5000 in an emergency savings account every month. From February onwards, I managed to have at least $10,000 on hand. (Not sure how I got that extra $5000 in one month. Probably blackmail).

I set an intention and New Year's resolutions each year. As I've previously written for The Canberra Times, it is earnest but helps me feel in control.

Year after year, I have gotten better at setting and meeting goals.

This is what I have found helpful.

Journalling

I like to pause between the rapid shift from one busy year to the next and reflect.

In 2023, I started a journal to help me reflect on the year that went.

Last year, I answered questions like, "What were the most significant events of the year?", "What are you most grateful for?" and "What do I need to let go of?"

This year, I took a different approach, listing my triumphs and challenges in bullet points.

I generally feel underaccomplished, especially at the end of a hectic year but writing down my triumphs for this year changed my mindset.

I took two overseas trips and ticked swimming with whale sharks off my bucket list. I had a minor surgery, started weight training and volunteering, read more, took my dog for countless walks, tutored my brother, was more consistently vegetarian and wore sunscreen almost every day.

In total, I wrote down 44 triumphs. (This did include "wore great clothes", "kept most plants alive", and "got a fringe").

As for challenges, I listed only 16 things, including being banned from driving my car and buying too many clothes.

I am sure I fucked up many more times than this, but I was at least staying true to my 2024 intention to be more delusional positive.

Intentions

An intention is a word designed to guide the entire year. I tend towards anxiety, which can lead to negativity and worry.

Last year I was especially concerned with my financial situation and ruminating on the things I could not do (like travel).

I focused on gratitude in 2024, and my intention/word for the year was "positive". I took a practical approach to trying for positivity and started a gratitude jar. I used leftover paper from my vision board party (yes, I know) and an empty coffee jar.

If I had something to be grateful for or did something enjoyable, I would write it on paper and pop it in. Today, on New Year's Eve, I will read them all!

I have been more positive this year, but I have also been making more money. I still struggle with feeling resentful. I am only human, after all.

Ultimately, gratitude is a muscle, and mine has gotten stronger. A gratitude jar was a practical way to put my intention into action.

Effective goal setting

There are three types of goals: good ones, OK ones and really terrible ones.

Also known as process, performance and outcome goals.

Outcome goals (really terrible) are hard to control - this is the desired result. For example, landing a dream job, winning a race or getting married.

Performance goals are meeting a certain standard. Like when I wanted an ATAR of 98 (did not meet this one, still not over it). They are quantifiable.

And process goals are easily within your control. I wanted to volunteer at the pound for a total of 24 hours this year. This was largely in my control.

I do have some outcome goals, which are my big life ambitions. These are the long-term things I want to do, like writing a book, travelling and having a family. I use performance and process goals to work towards them.

I had six goals for 2024, which included maintaining a $5K emergency fund (process), going on a date a month (performance), volunteering at the pound for 24 hours (performance) and regularly adding to my gratitude jar (process).

These will hopefully contribute to broader ambitions like being financially secure, having a family, contributing to the community and being a grateful and positive person.

I track these goals using a table. I record my progress each month: how much I have in my emergency fund, how many dates I went on, how many hours I spent volunteering. This makes it easy to tally up at the end of the year.

Plus I made sure my targets aligned on something very important: my values.

Values

Most people have things they want to achieve in their lifetimes, but they rarely factor into the New Year's resolutions we inevitably fail to keep. More important are the fundamental values or principles behind them.

According to a YouGov survey, Australia's most common resolutions in 2024 were to improve physical or mental health, manage money better, spend more time with friends/family and travel more.

These are all worthy aims but completely useless without specific, measurable goals to support them (see above).

And behind them is a gap between the goal-setter's priorities or values and their actual reality.

Before setting my intention and yearly goals, I like to colour in the pie chart below. Firstly, to identify what is most important and secondly, to see how well I think I am doing in that area.

A parent who says "family" is most important but actually spends little time with their children is going to have a big gap between the two. Or someone who colours in bars on “romance”, but is single … well, you get the idea.

Sometimes, I get an inverse result. For example, recreation is pretty low on my priorities list, but I am happy with my hobbies. That might mean I spend too much time on things I do not value, or maybe my expectations are low and easy to meet.

I am trying to recognise there will be no time in life when my priorities or ideals will match entirely with my reality.

We have been told that a perfect life is like a set of perfectly balanced scales, but it is more like a long and windy river. Narrow, wide, rough or smooth, the key is to lean towards what matters at that particular time.

Final thoughts

Before setting a resolution or goal, I like to think about what really matters to me. Does my life reflect my values? Am I making steps towards those big life goals? What is the underlying theme I want for next year? What targets will be practical, measurable, flexible and realistic? How will I track them?

At the beginning of 2024, I decided to deprioritise my career and focus on other things. Now, it is one area of my life I am least satisfied with.

On the other hand, I am more content with other things. Volunteering made me realise I do not have to save every animal to contribute. Keeping an emergency fund taught me there can be a balance between living my life and being secure - even if I cannot always have both. And dating taught me that dating is shit, as if I had to learn that lesson again!

Some scoff at resolutions, but setting and revising them is better than expecting life to go your way and feeling bitter when it doesn't.

The wild waters of life are unpredictable, and steering my bow is the best guarantee I have of getting where I want to go.

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